Dead baby jokes!

Verdens beste vitser! Les og le og kos deg ^^,

What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don't bleed.

Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.

Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.

Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.

How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

How many babies fit in a blender?
Depends on how powerful the blender is.

How do you know when a baby is dead?
It doesn't cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.

How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
Blood brothers.

What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.

What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
Stillbirth.

What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.

What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.

What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.

What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.

What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
A miscarriage.

What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A baby nailed to the floor.

What is cold, blue and doesn't move?
A baby in your freezer.

What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
Free pizza.

What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.

What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
Ripping it off again.

What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.

What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
Stopping them with a shovel.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children's playground.

What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog's mouth?
Your baby's leg.

What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.

What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy!

What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
An erection.

Why is it so hard to play with dead babies?
The parts keep coming off.

How do you make a baby walk?
Cut off its hands.

What is the best part of having sex with a baby?
Either way you go is deep throat.

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
You cant fuck a rock!

What is charred black and screams?
A baby getting his toy out of the fireplace!

What is the Diffrence between a dead baby and my Christmas Presents?
I havent opened my presents to see whats inside!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.

What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.

What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.

What is the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.

What have you got when you strap a dead baby to each foot?
Slippers.

How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
Gouge its eyes out.

What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
With an axe.

What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.

What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a cheeseburger?
I don't fuck a cheeseburger before I eat it.

What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.